As authors, we want people to be impacted by our writing. Part of that impact comes from demonstrating authentic emotions among our characters. There are several ways to do that, even without resorting to melodrama.
When it Works
I performed my first edit of my western novel Silver Rock a week or so ago. While I was expecting it to be the normal crappy first effort, it surprised me. Many parts of the book held together better than I’d thought. One way it impressed me was in how some emotions were expressed by the characters. In a particularly difficult section, I chronicled the death of one of the main characters. As I read the final passages, I got choked up. Hell, I’m the author, and I got choked up; would my readers feel the same way?
What We’re Trying to Avoid
Many of us have watched telenovelas during our lives. I think of them as Mexican soap operas, like watching “One Life to Live” in Spanish. A common element of these stories is the extreme emotional expression of the characters. Their speech is over the top, their physical movements are big and characters often leave rooms with slammed doors and over-the-top facial expressions. Having said that, watching telenovelas has helped me learn Spanish, and they offer good story telling. But I’m not writing telenovelas.
Melodrama
If we’re trying to avoid melodrama, we ought to know what it is. Melodrama—or what I call emotional angst—results when emotion is overstated, predictable, or manipulative. It relies on extreme reactions, stereotypes, or heavy-handed language to force the reader to feel something. Think of everything you read being the written version of a telenovela (the extreme parts). This doesn’t deepen reader engagement, it pushes them away, and that’s the last thing writers want.
Be Specific
Authentic emotion is grounded in the specific. Rather than naming the emotion directly, show how it manifests through small, observable details. This is where I sometimes struggle.
For example, instead of writing “he was devastated,” I’ve been trying to show what devastation looks like. A character might be shown to avoid eye contact, spend too much time looking in the distance with a glassy look in his eye, or struggle to finish a sentence. Readers can surmise the emotion the character is feeling from these descriptions.
As Anton Chekhov advised, “Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass” (Chekhov, Letters on the Short Story, 1888). The same principle applies to showing authentic emotion.
Showing Authentic Emotion Through Dialogue
Emotion is seldom shown in clear, direct dialogue in regular fiction. Instead, people hem and haw, hesitate, deflect, and leave thoughts unfinished.
For instance, a grieving character might say, “I keep setting a place for her at the table,” rather than saying “I miss her.” Both show genuine emotion, but the first statement pulls at the heartstrings, without overdoing it. In the same way, tension can emerge through brief exchanges:
“You said you’d be here at six.”
“I am here.”
“It’s eight.”
This kind of dialogue allows emotion to surface naturally.
Here’s an example from my Stephanie Hart novel Hard Look Back:
“But this is not a TV show! This is my life!” Stevens crossed her arms and hugged herself. “I’m sure that lawyer felt we were going overboard and was trying to get us to hold back on those charges against Alex. I know she was.”
“And what of it? That’s not our problem. It’s Alex who has to prove that he’s innocent, or that he’s not as bad as people think, though I doubt that. Why should we worry about that?”
Stevens sighed. “Seems to me I used to hear something about ‘innocent until proven, guilty,’ Mom. And now we’ve just made that really hard for Alex. I didn’t want to do that.”
“Well, then it’s a good thing your father and I are here to help you, isn’t it?”
From this little bit of dialogue, readers can see how torn Patty Stevens is, and that she feels she just made a really big mistake. We also learn how manipulative her mother is, almost like a Svengali behind the scenes.
Actions Speak Louder
We can read a character’s emotions through what they do or not do. A student stressing over an exam might read the same sentence multiple times, squeezing their temples without absorbing what the question is asking. I just read the 28th Stephanie Plum adventure by Janet Evanovich. In Game On, Plum’s mother was ironing a shirt over and over as her way of working through her stress. These actions feel authentic because they mirror real human responses.
Objects Can Help Convey Emotion
Objects can sometimes act as quiet symbols of feeling.
- Example:
“She kept the cracked mug, even after buying a new set, always reaching for it first.” - Example:
“The ticket stub stayed in his wallet long after the ink faded.”
These subtle sentences suggest deep emotion without naming or explaining it. The key is to let the reader sense and feel the emotion the character is feeling in a simple, relatable way.
Revision Can Help
We often get to authentic emotion—without broadcasting it—during revision rather than in the first draft. We should look for moments when language feels excessive or repetitive. Therefore, ask:
Is this emotion being stated or shown?
Can this be conveyed with fewer words?
Are there more specific details I can use?
In short, while conveying authentic emotion in our writing isn’t easy, when we get it right, it can make all the difference to our readers. And that’s worth the effort.
